To Know Him

I was raised in a Christian home.  We went to church every Sunday and my dad was even a key player in the worship ministry.  God had always seemed to be a part of my life.  I remember accepting Jesus into my heart around the age of 7 or 8 with a close friends’ mom.  We moved states when I was 9, and it wasn’t until junior high/high school that I remember questioning if I was really saved.  I was baptized in high school when the new church we became a part of questioned my dad’s theology that you didn’t have to be baptized to be saved.  So- our family was baptized.

 I fell in love with my best friend near the end of high school.  I knew he would someday be my husband.  He too was raised attending church and youth group regularly.  We were married by his lifelong pastor who was very near and dear to him.  We said our vows with intentions of making Christ our center, but I would say we lived as luke-warm Christians.

 It wasn’t until the first near tragedy struck my life, that I learned what it felt like to truly intercede for Christ’s presence in my circumstances. My dependence on Him suddenly became very real.  My water broke at 23 weeks gestation with our first baby.  It hit home utterly painful because I knew first hand what the outcome would most likely be. I was a neonatal intensive care nurse.  I knew that this was the earliest a baby could be saved, and even at that- the chances not only for survival were low, but the normal healthy life we dream of for our children, was also inevitably against the odds if she survived. Faith and trust took on a whole new meaning that day.  Over the next week, the Lord intervened when He mended the sac that the hole had torn in and allowed my body to nourish our baby girl for 13 more weeks as I lay flat in bed.  It was during those long and daunting days that I learned to trust in Him. I read my Bible for the first time in my life, at least with any consistency.  She was born healthy and whole and my faith grew more than it had ever been given a chance to during those 3 months on bed rest.

I was blessed with a seemingly painless life over the next 8 years – until my marriage almost ended and I was thrown into the pit of unbearable pain. It was in this pit that I discovered Jesus like I had never known Him before.  A reliance on Him for my literal breath I consciously had to work at. The only peace I felt was when He was at the forefront of my mind, heart, and soul.  My Heavenly Father’s embrace was all that held me up.  Before this time, I knew of Him.  It was during this time however, that I came to really Know Him.  Not just God who I knew existed and I loved and who loved me.  Not the God who others talked about so personally with the testimonies that they shared when He wrote their stories.  But in this pit of despair, I came to know Him so deeply that He and I became one.  He became so much a part of me that I could never remove Him from my center.

My restored marriage became my testimony.  Proof that miracle’s still do exist. I feel incredibly blessed to have Jesus Christ  paint one in my own and very personal story. I have discovered that I have come to know Him best in my most painful moments of life- in ways I would have never known Him otherwise.  And I can honestly say on this side of things I wouldn’t change a single one of those circumstances, because it was the pain that drove me into the arms of my Heavenly Father, and my faith has been forever transformed.

With love-   April

2 Corinthians 1:8-9

We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so what we despaired even of life.  Indeed in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead!